6 Indicators of a troubled marriage

“In marriage, it is never about not falling, it is always about getting back up” Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

Many a couple do go through rough times in their relationships. They fight(mostly verbally) and go through cold war sessions. The house can then feel like a nuke plant. Every couple goes through these tides. Others may need to seek professional marital counseling help. Unfortunately for most of them, they seek this help when it is too late to repair the relationship. It is always wise to mitigate the problems within a marriage before everything falls apart. One of the best ways to do so is to read the signs of a troubled marriage and nip them in the bud before they ruin your love garden.

The beauty of it all is that no relationship is excluded from conflict and that they are all possible to solve. It is possible to heal and come out stronger after conflicts. It is important for both spouses to be willing to work it out and resolve their differences as soon as they arise. The following are the early signs of a troubled marriage:

1. Frequent arguments followed by blame game: Frequent shouting matches followed by dead silence in the house, hands thrown in the air, sulking and unutterable words, is a major sign of love fallout. Some of the issues you argue about are so mundane and do not require that much argument. Couples need to seek professional help when this becomes their routine. In some cases, the parents of both couples can be consulted to help bridge the gap and bring in a third opinion, and some wisdom to the emotional rants.
2. When you can say nothing positive about your spouse: Occasional murmurs about your spouse’s messiness, poor timekeeping, laziness, snoring etc is okay. But when all you say about your spouse is negative; starting from how bad he/she looks, smells, talks, walks, behaves to wondering “ why you married him/her”. Any podium you can get you just go through with the character assassination of our spouse and getting pleasure from it. That is sad and pretty demeaning on both of you as a couple. It is time to revisit the dating days and ask yourself what you love about your spouse.
3. Romantic and financial unfaithfulness: Withholding your financial expenses and plans from your spouse is being financially unfaithful. Marriage requires transparency about finances as much as sexual and relationship matters. if you are contemplating cheating on your spouse due to lack of intimacy, then it is time to visit a marital counselor.
4. When your sex life is dying or non-existent: Sex is a major bonding activity between spouses. Sexual intimacy has a way of softening rough edges in a relationship. it is a powerful tool for healing and re-igniting the flames of love and intimacy. it reduces stress and boosts the feeling of oneness. When of the spouses is totally ‘turned off’ from the other spouse, such that he/she does not want any intimacy with him/her, it is time to seek help and urgently so. If unaddressed, this may be the first seed towards cheating on your spouse.
5. Communication breakdown or lockage: Spouses cannot exist in the same house without talking to each other. The essence of marriage is companionship, which includes sharing ideas, fears, plans, passions, goals and most of all sharing love. If the communication in the house reduced to monosyllables or monologues, it means there is a broken bridge that needs fixing.
6. Low self-esteem or crushed self-esteem: Every spouse plays a big role in boosting the other’s esteem. Believing in them and cheering them on, when they doubt themselves is important. However, when your spouse becomes your biggest demotivator, this lowers your confidence as a person as well as a spouse. It is important to make your spouse feel important and valued. when you start demeaning and bursting your spouse’s bubble, it is time to mend the love fabric.

It is my belief that nothing is an end in itself. When two agree to work together for their mutual benefit, the results are always positive and very encouraging. I believe that love overcomes all and can heal all.

To a healed love life.

Guru Hellen