“ Choose what you love and then put your soul in it” Anonymous “Two hearts that beat as one… our love has just begun…” Lionnel Ritchie
These two quotes are among a thousand pieces of advice we encounter when searching for a soulmate. The journey to finding a lifelong mate can be both daunting, and uncertain. There are more questions than answers in one’s mind at this time. Sometimes you are not even sure what you really want!! LOL!! “Been there; done that” seems to be the only encouragement most mentors will give you, especially after a heartbreak. Others will tell you that you will eventually get over a heartbreak; most often you do. However, most of these errors, heartbreaks can be greatly reduced if you have some parameters by which to stick to when searching for an ideal mate. There several tenets or indicators that can help guide you to finding your ideal mate. Their value of importance may vary depending on what matters most to each individual.
What do we have in common? This is probably the easiest indicator of sharing a starting common ground. Do you both like sports? Which sports? Do you love an active life? How often do you train? Perhaps movies? or Adventure?Hiking, camping, fishing, hunting? Or do you prefer spending time with family or friends? clubbing? This is a good starting point when you can find out more about each other. However, mates may have very little in common but work to explore more common grounds. If there is nothing, absolutely nothing in common, the relationship will most likely not take off. forcing it to work is a serious no-no from the beginning. Do not fool yourself into believing that you can change a person.
What are his/her values regarding Finance? Financial infidelity and financial abuse rank among the top three reasons for divorce today. The biggest reason for divorce is that most couples never took the time to test their mates’ financial behaviour and beliefs, way before they got married. A mate with bad spending habits and poor financial plans will eventually become a spouse with the same bad habits. Do not hope to change them when you marry them!! The same principles apply when it comes to gambling, sexual fidelity, and drugs use.
What are the future plans for children, family, and lifelong commitments? If your mate has no clue about what he/she wants, this might be a red light in your relationship? Lack of plans for the future is also a sign of lack of commitment to anything you may come up with. It may also be difficult to follow through any plans you develop as a couple in the future. No plans: No commitment.
What are the moral and spiritual values present? Are they compatible? I have come across a few lovers who tend to overlook their spiritual compatibility. It is possible to overlook this crucial trait until when a crisis or challenge comes up. By then it will be too late to address the different methods of addressing this diversity. If one believes in God, is religious and likes to go to church, temple or mosque regularly, and the spouse doesn’t, it will eventually affect the relationship with regard to disciplining children, eating habits, worship etc. It is important to test your own tolerance level to conflicting beliefs, before marrying a mate with such a disposition. Crossing over to marriage without addressing moral and spiritual stands may be very detrimental to your long-term relationship. other traits to look for here are honesty, integrity, loyalty, faith among others.
How do you view the in-laws? Some mates do not mind the involvement of in-laws in their decision-making processes, while others demand total exclusivity of the in-laws from their marriage. They want to be as far away as possible, from their in-laws. Some families are closed and would like to invite their son/daughter-in-law into their tight circle, while others are totally laissez-faire. If you come from such contradicting circles, it is important to clarify with your mate before crossing over to marriage. Ignoring this will eventually lead to fights about the in-laws, resentment and eventual divorce.
These are just some of the main indicators to look out for in your future mate. Any red lights, hesitations and undercurrent nuances should never be ignored during courting. Bring them up and seek clear answers. Address them as soon as they arise May I add here that I cannot emphasize enough on the importance of TAKING TIME TO KNOW YOUR MATE. TAKE TIME, TAKE TIME. Life is not a sprint and neither is marriage.
Remember as George Washington said, “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence”
To a very informed courting. GuruHellen