Today, we are going to again endeavor on something that's really been bothering me at my heart. It seems to be recurring even among my friends, my people very close to me, my relatives. And this is the issue of breaking marriages. This issue is becoming more common. It's just like a common cold. It's everywhere. And everyone seems to be taking it for granted that marriages break. Like I said in the book Takes Two To Tango. My belief is that when marriages break society as a whole breaks, there is no two way to look about it, people will decide that I'm wrong. They may say that I'm just speculating or I'm being pessimistic or that I am just digging too deep to find a reason as to why marriages break. I'm asking you to take time and watch.
Just sit down somewhere. Take your time and watch how broken families leave how their children grow, how their lives become when they have broken, I have barely been impressed. I know there are so many successful people from broken homes, very many and even others from even single parent families. But I will acknowledge that single parents work twice as hard. It takes a toll on the single parent and even on the children when one parent is the one doing the job of two people and I respect and salute to single mothers and single fathers. Sometimes that could be the reason you are single, and maybe ill health or even some catastrophe that you did not foresee coming. And I salute you for the hard hard work that you do. However, it is not without pain in my heart when I see people just deciding to fall apart because of their differences. I would like us to acknowledge that even in our own home, where we are all the same people with same genetics and everything. We are different and we have lots of conflicts and disagreements. We have a lot of things with disagreement About yet we are one family.
I don't know why we expect our spouses to listen to us and follow suit like slaves are like people without parts of their own and fillings of their own, we need to change that attitude, we need to change that perspective, you did not marry a spouse or husband or a wife to become your common de, or your surf, or your robot, or the other side of you that does things that you don't like to do. No, we are actually equal partners, everyone doing 100% of their part, and getting in 100% to do their role. We complement each other, we do not compete with each other, we fulfill each other, we do not have to fill an empty cup from the other one. Everyone should come with their cup full so that they don't feel the greed or the need to empty the other person's cup. We actually empty onto each other daily. But don't come with a half cup or an empty cup. expecting your spouse to feel the other half. That's not the way it works.
We need to change that attitude calmly the couple let your spouse come with his or her couple. And both of you make a bigger borrow to Phil town because people come to the marriages relationship they where'd they actually marry for the wrong reasons, marry for the wrong expectations, marry with the wrong intentions. And eventually, the truth comes out and it's ugly. The saddest part is when children are put in between they are the victims, this children suffer. I grew up in a disturbed and troubled marriage. I didn't enjoy it. Was I grateful for it? Absolutely. I was so glad my mom stayed and I'm so glad my dad stayed. But myself, my children, my sisters and my siblings, my brothers. We all got scarred we got parents from that conflict that kept going on and on and on. Some of us had been had very low self esteem. Some of us lost trust in the opposite sex. Some of us adopted the violent or the violence demeanors in our relationships. Others took the coward's way out that are never doesn't work. They just walk out. Those are me and my siblings. We have grown with wounds from our troubled from a troubled marriage in the past. And this repeats itself hundreds of 1000s of times over in the whole world. And then they wonder why the society is the way it is. It's a wonder right from the grassroots. It's one that right from the roots. It's a warm, dead, it's bleeding. It's in pain, right from mom and dad days. That's where the problem started. I feel like I'm preaching. I'm not even telling you what I'm supposed to tell you. But it hurts. It hurts me. It hurts me when my friend, my sister, my brother, my cousin comes and tells me, "We are falling apart. We're divorcing." And I asked "how Why? What's the reason?" " Oh, we're not compatible. All we just don't belong to each other. We made a mistake right from the beginning. " And I'm like, "Is this the time you realize that you made the mistake?" " Well, no, I did not realize this. I was just hoping he would change or should change." And I was like, "That's absurd. Did you change? Well, no. And why would you expect your spouse to change? " "Well, I thought, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
It hurts me to hear a whole adult pass on common sense over 18 gone to school educated learning and talented and working and thriving in life. Coming to say that he thought or she thought you change the spouse; We are not here to change each other's character. We are adults. We are here to fulfill our purpose as a couple. And if you don't love that person right from the word go, even if your sex life was as good as fire and brimstone or it was volcanic or explosive. That should not be the only reason you marry him or her. Someone once told me in my youth there will come a time when I would be so fed up with sex and that there is a whole lifetime to enjoy it, once I get the right person. This is someone you want to give your life, your heart, your time. And if God blesses you with children, they will come to this life into the relationship that you both started. Why? And I asked again, why would bed flames be the only reason that we all decide we want to get married? I am so much against that. It's my opinion.
Why? Because when people go to sign those divorce papers and kill the future of those children, destroy the love life, make those children to walk around like wounded babies. When they sign those divorce papers, they know it's for their own good as a individuals. Yeah, they are not compatible. Maybe there wasn't even any abuse. Maybe it's because of financial reasons. Maybe the sex flames died. Or maybe someone became too fat can't deliver anymore, or became an invalid. Whatever the reason. Nobody forced you into marriage, I believe nobody should force you out of it either. But remember, whatever decision you make, it leaves on the scars, the wounds to the children, especially even to yourself. Please avoid making these mistakes before you say I do. And I even remember one of my first five podcast was things to avoid before saying I do. I wonder how many people listen to it, and even evaluate themselves? Even after saying I do. Because we all all, without exception, are responsible for our own decisions. And when you go into a marriage, I think we all know what the words are, say that the wedding? Do you take XYZ to be a lawfully wedded wife or husband? Do you ........... in good times and in bad times? Oh, well, when the good times go, you're so in love When the bad times come you bail out. Shame on you, all of you who just bail out for nothing. for no apparent reason. I do respect those as bailout for abuse that they didn't know it was to happen. Or for even for safety of their own life. Someone changes and becomes something else that they didn't expect them to be. I respect that. But most and that's accounts to more than 90% of the divorces that we have today. It's to breed reasons our call them what they are stupid reasons. We are decide to walk out because we are tired. Tired of what? What do you have your mother walked out on you? Why do you repeat the same mistake? What if your mother walked out on you and she did was to walk out on you and didn't? She stayed in it? Did she enjoy it? No. But because of your future says she stayed in. Sometimes it's safer to stay in than to go out. Weigh the options. I absolutely believe divorce is not the only solution. We have conflict in marriage today. Although we love embracing it with a lot of gusto. We love opening that back when jumping out and joining the club have me too. I did this. Me too. I got divorced. Me too am Adivasi, me too. I'm a single father. Me too. I'm a single mother. Oh, I'm in the market. Again, single happy and mingling. You not single happy and mingling. You just walked out having scarred the life of the one you left. And if you had children, or multiple scarring, expand the experience. You have hurt so many people. You kill peoples self esteem, you kill people's mental stability. You kill your children self confidence and faith in relationships.
Did your spouse accept his mistakes or her mistakes? Did you take that apology? Did you seek other methods of mediation before you decide that this is the last resort really now we have become just like people who go shopping for on a shopping spree, just for the fun of it. And then you go back returning the stuff you bought. You make one line after another, giving excuses; Oh, I just don't like this anymore. It doesn't fit anymore. Or it's not the right color. Bla bla bla bla, it's like you are forced to shop.
Take your time. Take your time before you marry, take your time before you make that decision and put a ring on it take a lot more time when you are in that valley of indecision and pain, a lot more time to think about what you're doing. We have thrown our cushion to the wings and decided we are going to do whatever we want because we are empowered. No, we are not empowered to kill each other. We are not empowered to destroy each other's lives and futures and esteem, because that's exactly what we are doing today.