Gratitude Heals Sore Relationships

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Let’s do some journaling: Are you counting your blessings?

This year will go into history as one of the most traumatic ones to humanity: Hurricanes, storms, droughts, forest fire, protests, unfair executions, and Covid-19. We are all grateful that it is coming to an end as we hope that the coming year will be gentler, kinder, and peaceful. We pray that with the reduced global pollutions (due to the mandatory lockdowns) mother earth will be less furious.

As we sit round out dining tables this Christmas season, there will be families without their elderly parents, spouses left as widows and widowers, parents will be without their beloved children and some will be just alone in a home, with no one allowed to visit them. As sad a picture as it is, we all have something to be grateful for. As a matter of fact, we have a lot to be grateful for. It is during these trying times that we should fill our gratitude jars in order to shift our mindsets and attitudes. The air we breathe, the water we drink, the ability to communicate to those we cannot meet, the social media, the love around us especially from strangers, the sunshine, the roof over our heads,, the clothes we wear etc I found myself journaling the effects of a rare smiles that I catch through covered faces of strangers. There is a lot to be thankful for. Count your blessings and it will surprise you.

Spouses have had to stay under the same roof and even in the same spaces foe months. “Working from home” was a blessing at first until it wasn’t. Couples have reached their peaks in frustrations with each other and complains have been flying back and forth against each other. Communication has become less frequent and more cautionary. I was not spared from this ordeal either. I got frustrated, disappointed, angry, maybe a little too much. At one point I questioned my own decisions and could not even trust my own feelings. I felt betrayed, disappointed, by my spouse’s actions or lack of actions. I momentarily forgot that we were going through these challenges together but each of us responded to pressure and unpredictability differently. The power of your confessions can heal or wound the relationship you are in. I was reminded that during the lockdown. As negativity piled up, I found myself inadvertently spewing negative words, negative expectations, negative feelings into our relationship. I was more disappointed as the negative acclamations materialized.

Note to self: You cannot get positive results by planting negative seeds.

In that dark moment, a friend reminded me the importance of speaking positivity into our marriages. I immediately remembered the times I remained positive in spite of bleak hope, yet I survived and thrived. I felt a new lease of positive energy surge inside me and a new ray of hope beamed in my heart. I immediately embarked on the healing process: I listed 30 things (The goal is to go to 300 items) I am grateful for. My husband, who has been my best friend for over 30 years, my teen children, my mother, my siblings, my dad who is in heaven now, my friends and business partners, my creativity, and talents… I gave the reason why I was grateful for each of those items. By the time I was done with the first 15 items, I was well into my lively plane again.

Did I feel like journaling? Absolutely no. My head was telling me it was futile and that I was well into failure, and that my gospel of thriving relationships was a hoax. Against this loud negative voice that had grown so strong, I took my pen and book and wrote my way out of negativity. Fast forward to today… still journaling, still grateful, still healing and much happier than I was a few months ago. Being grateful does not mean absence of disappointments, anger, stress, poor health, financial strain, or disagreements. It means acknowledging and appreciating the good in spite of the presence of the bad. Remember: What you focus on grows. I choose to focus on the good so that the good grows.

Are you going through a similar stage in your life? Take a pen and start journaling your wonderful blessings that you ignore all the time. Be grateful and life will be great.

To better Marriages!! Guru Hellen

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